


Drowning

by sanctuary_for_all



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 02:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: Juliet knew she should leave Thomas alone. (Post-ep for 1x20)





	Drowning

Juliet knew she should leave Thomas alone.  
  
She had clung to her solitude in the weeks and months after she'd lost Richard, and something made her suspect that his own coping methods were similar. If he did need company, there was no possible way she would be his first choice, either as a friend or confidante. It would be kindest to send Kumu to check on him, then leave him in peace.  
  
But she couldn't shake the memory of the naked vulnerability on Thomas's face. It had hurt to see it, all the more so for its rarity, and sharpened the fierce sense of protectiveness she tried so hard to pretend she didn't feel toward the man. She'd learned by now that the cavalier surface was as much a shield as it was reality, but once that particular wall was breached he seemed to have no way to guard himself further. _Someone_ had to, if he would not.  
  
So she headed down to Robin's private stretch of beach, not at all surprised to find Thomas standing there staring at the waves. He looked... emptied out, almost, and something in Juliet's chest clenched painfully at the thought. She knew exactly what that felt like.  
  
Rather than say anything, she simply moved to stand silently next to him. Thomas knew her past as well or better than anyone, at least in this one particular area, and by extension could undoubtedly surmise that she was uniquely suited to understanding whatever shifting, complicated pain he might be feeling. Stating that fact, however, might make him feel pressured into sharing something he didn't wish to.  
  
(Her own feelings, the appalling relief that Hannah had died and therefore could no longer continue to hurt Thomas, were irrelevant to the situation and not to be discussed.)  
  
They stayed like that for a long moment, taking in the sight of the ocean without speaking. Finally, he glanced over at her, understanding in his eyes. "I'm okay," he said quietly. The implied _you can stop worrying about me_ was almost guilty, as if apologizing that she'd had to worry about him at all.  
  
Juliet quashed down a ruthless spike of anger at Hannah, that the woman had been so thoughtless with someone as good and decent as Thomas Magnum. "Forgive me if I question your assessment." She kept her voice gentle, her usual instinctive self-defense mechanisms the furthest thing from her mind. "Before you inevitably argue, I feel the need to point out that you have every right _not_ to be okay."  
  
Something haunted filled his vision, and after a few endless heartbeats he spoke. "She should have asked us for help." There was a trace of anger there, but infinitely more hurt. "She should have asked _me_."  
  
It was, in a way, the worst of Hannah's many transgressions. "Yes." The word was quiet, but full of all the conviction Juliet possessed. "She should have."  
  
His expression eased a little, as if the words were a comfort, but then a strange tension filled the silence. "Would you have?" He glanced over at her, something urgent in his eyes. "I know you wouldn't have sold anyone out, no matter who you were trying to save. But, if you were in Hannah's place, would you have asked me for help?"  
  
A part of her wanted, badly, to hug him. Honesty seemed like an infinitely safer option. "You would have harassed the problem out of me long before I thought to ask anyone for help." Her throat tightened. "And I would have been more grateful than I could possibly ever express. We would have solved my problem handily, all gotten court martialled together, and likely ended up selling insurance together somewhere far less pleasant than Hawaii."  
  
He almost smiled at that, but if anything his eyes got sadder. "I should have noticed something was wrong."  
  
Juliet's anger at Hannah rose up past all its restrictions, making her snappish for the first time in the conversation. "Don't you _dare_ try and blame yourself for this." When he didn't say anything, her voice sharpened. "I'm serious, Magnum. Hannah and the people who took her father are the only ones to blame in all this."  
  
After a moment, his expression eased enough that an almost-smile flickered across his face. "Anyone ever tell you you're a little bit scary?"  
  
"I believe a few people have mentioned it." Juliet was surprised to find her own chest easing as well. "I consider it a compliment."  
  
"I meant it as one." Then he sobered again. "But maybe you were right about the partnership not being such a good idea."  
  
The words should not _possibly_ have stung as much as they did. "I never said that."  
  
"You said it would have a lot more benefit for me than it would for you." She'd never heard him sound so drained. "You were right."  
  
She'd said that in an attempt to be sensible, because she'd known the partnership was a precipice she couldn't come back from. She hadn't meant him to take her _seriously_. "So I suppose we're back to the 'favors' system, are we?"  
  
Thomas let out a breath. "I'll cut back on those, too. And no more dragging you into cases." He looked away, eyes escaping back to the water. "I already got you shot. And nearly drowned."  
  
The building anger and hurt drained out of Juliet like someone had pulled a plug. Her chest squeezed tight. "If I'd been out there alone, I would have _died_."  
  
"Or you would have been fine, because without a second person you might not have decided to go help them in the first place." Guilt was thick in his voice, far more than the words could have possibly justified. "You might have been faster, or slower, and not been anywhere within range of the call."  
  
"So it would have been better if someone else had gotten hijacked? Someone who didn't have a Navy SEAL who could get them safely to shore?"  
  
Finally, he turned around to face her. "I got Nuzo _killed_." He sounded as raw as when he'd asked them for help. "Hannah said she didn't mean for him to get hurt, but she knew we were here. The reason she knew him at _all_ was because of _me_. The reason she knew _any_ of them was because of _me_."  
  
Horrified realization struck her. "You blame yourself for their capture."  
  
"I'm the one who brought her into the group." He let out a breath, looking lost. "And then I talked you all into helping me rescue her father, because I needed answers and I couldn't handle it on my own. Because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's dragging people into harms way."  
  
If she was a different person, she would have something comforting to say right now. Something that would at least staunch what was clearly a far older wound than she realized. "You help people."  
  
"I also hurt them. Especially the ones who matter most." He was resigned, almost, which was somehow far more infuriating than anger would have been. "I never should have started bothering you."  
  
Thomas might not have been angry, but Juliet suddenly was. She might not have the right words to say here, but she would be _damned_ if she simply sat back and let this _happen_. "But you _did_. I was _perfectly_ happy believing your insouciant dilettante routine, but then you forced me to get to know you well enough to see how _compassionate_ and deliberately _good_ you are." She flung the words at him like an accusation. "And now it is _too late_. No matter what _nonsense_ your guilt is telling you right now, I am _in your life_ and I am going to _stay_ there. And when you hare off half-cocked to save whatever poor lost soul has come to you for help this week, rest assured that I will be _right_ there with you. The fact that it will undoubtedly be dangerous only makes me _more_ determined to be there. I sat at home _safe_ while Richard went off and got himself _killed_ without me. I _flatly_ refuse to do that again."  
  
Coming to the abrupt end of everything she had to say, especially when she hadn't realized she'd needed to say any of it, was like hitting a wall. Even the roar of the ocean seemed muted in the sudden silence, and Juliet fought to regain her balance as she realized Thomas was staring at her. She assumed at first that it was because of the outburst -- it _had_ been utterly inappropriate -- but his shock was far too deep for that. And beneath that...  
  
Suddenly, the last thing she said came back to her with ice cold clarity. She hadn't damned herself directly -- she could trust herself that much, even at her most overwrought -- but the implication had been clear. Richard was a man she'd loved, one she'd been prepared to marry, and she'd just put Thomas in exactly the same category. Every reason she'd ever had for trying to keep Thomas at arm's length, all spilled out in front of him like a pile of laundry.  
  
She swallowed, suddenly terrified, but she couldn't bring herself to take the words back. They had been _true_ , every single one of them.  
  
Instead, she cleared her throat. "So, while the partnership proposal is of course entirely up to you, its withdrawal will do little to lessen my involvement in your case load." She would give _anything_ for her voice to be steadier, but since that wasn't possible it seemed like escape was the only viable option. "But I'm clearly not at all useful at the moment, and I have _several_ tasks that require my attention at the main--"  
  
"I've never been more scared than when we were on that beach and you wouldn't wake up."  
  
The words stole her breath, halting her forward momentum more effectively than anything else could have. She turned, meeting his eyes, and he inhaled like he had to remind himself to breathe. "I watch you, all the time, because no matter where we are or what we're doing you're always the most interesting thing in the room." His voice was raw again, but the pain that had been in it before was gone. "I haven't even _tried_ to make the dogs like me, because I look for every excuse to talk to you up to and including yelling for help. You are the most amazing person I have ever _met_ , and I know that you are so far out of my league you probably have to measure the distance in light years. But--"  
  
If she didn't put a stop to this _immediately_ , she was going something unforgivable like burst into tears. She crossed the distance between them in a few strides, taking his face in her hands and swallowing anything else he'd been about to say in a kiss. He let her in instantly, hands settling cautiously around her like he wasn't sure of his welcome, and Juliet felt herself pulled under like the tide had swallowed her. The drowning was sweeter than she could have imagined, warm and weightless and guided to the depths by the tenderness that Thomas showed when it truly mattered.  
  
When they broke apart, Thomas leaned his forehead against hers. "If I say that the partnership offer is back on the table," he breathed, "would it screw up my chances of getting you to go on a date with me?"  
  
Throat tight, Juliet leaned in for another kiss. "I believe I could be persuaded."

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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